All posts by smalltownoptimist


So, y’all, I’m in college!

I got to say it is just as expected. Of course, I was really looking forward to coming here this year, so I had really high expectations, other than the fact that this University is one I never planned on going to! I thought that I would be perfect for the college life. I would get out all the time. I would like my classes. I would make friends(since all my friends didn’t come to this University.) Basically, I expected this to be a great experience!


After my first semester, I have yet to be disappointed! I am roomed with an amazing girl that I’ve known since Kindergarten but never talked to. I have made quite a few friends(surprisingly, because I’m hopelessly awkward.) I’ve even gone on a few dates, gotten a few numbers and snaps, and went to my first party! Heck, I’m even doing mostly great in my classes!

So, first I’m gonna talk about my roomie. She’s a whole bunch like me. Crazy. Loud. Awkward. Funny as hell. Procrastinator extradornaire. And of course optimistic! We had never talked any in school, but I’ve got to say that we definitely should have! She reminds me of my best friend so much it makes me miss her. And she used to take everything I said seriously when we first came here! However, after a couple weeks of me scaring her about elevators, walking to CVS, and stalkers behind us, she’s come to realize that the only time I’m serious is when I’m trying to fool somebody. Now she’s able to tell exactly when I’m lying about something.

Aside from my roommate, there are many other reasons I like college, mostly because of the experience and the freedom. I never realized how sheltered I was. I had never even ordered my own sub before. Literally, I was that sheltered. I also didn’t realize how much of a slacker I was even though in high school I kept A’s even when I didn’t go to class half the time. Let me tell you for all those incoming college freshman, college does not roll like that. You really need to learn how to study(something I still haven’t figured out since I didn’t do it last semester even though it would have brought a disappointing C up to a B or possibly an A.) You really need to go to class. Do not skip it every day just because you have a choice. Although, I always heard many professors don’t care if you show up, and it’s easy to just go to class on the day of tests, that’s wrong. Go to class. They actually teach stuff in class that will help you pass your exam. Don’t be like me and skip all of the University 100 classes, all the chemistry lectures, and math classes. Which by the way were the three classes I had less than an A in. I was lucky not receive a D or F; however, I’m just lucky. Honestly. But luck runs out, and when it does, I’ll probably be in some deep shit for not learning how to study beforehand. Anyways don’t be like me.

Just because you can party all the time doesn’t mean you have to. You don’t have to go wild just because you know it’s expected of you. Make time for your classes. Now I’m not saying you need to study for the 2 hours for every hour your in class like people tell you, because it definitely was not needed for me. But study at least 30 minutes or an hour. However, don’t be one of those people that don’t enjoy their newfound freedom. College is going to be the only time you get to experience freedom like this. In just a few years, you will be out in the real world with demanding jobs, some will have children, and some will have spouses to tend to. So have fun while you can. Try and going to a party(It was not my scene), be a little experimental and smoke some weed(Also not my thing because the one time I did it I freaked out), and maybe get drunk and run down the halls naked(I actually liked this part at the time, but now I’m red with embarassment.)

HAVE FUN but BE RESPONSIBLE. Don’t be like me and almost jeopardize your 5000$ scholarship just because you never study or go to class. Like I said I was lucky, I only received 2 B’s and a C while the rest were A’s. But I came close to going under the GPA requirement for my scholarships. My roommate, who is now my best friend in college, was not so lucky. We done everything together, but whereas I got lucky she wasn’t. We’re both just lucky to have another semester to fix our screwups for the first semester but I’m sure we’ll do it!

So y’all, be smart! Listen to those who are telling you about college, or at least take some of the advice their giving you and store it in the back of your head. For me, my college experience has been wonderful and none of the scares people warned me about have happened, so really it’ll be your own experience and you’ll learn as you go.

Good luck!!!



I am a naturally easy going, carefree, happy person. I always have been and I tend to let things just roll off my back. However, saying this, I bottle my anger up. I don’t deal with it as I should, and in turn I tend to have a shorter temper and sometimes I may even act on it. I’m not very good at dealing with negative emotions, simply because up until a couple years ago I really didn’t feel them. I am eighteen, and for years I faced many challenges, but never did I truly feel negative.

I have recently learned that I have some very real anger issues. More so than the average person. When I really get angry, I get physical, which is something that I have only done three times in my life. Just three, but during those times I feel like a completely different person. Ruthless. Unattached. Violent.

My first bout of violence, I blamed on the type of birth control I was on. I hated acting out as I had, so I swore off all types of medication. Especially birth control. The second time was a year ago, and my parents had been fighting. Tensions were running high, and my brother and I got in a huge fight which left me with a dislocated shoulder and him with a broken finger. The next, time I got violent was just earlier today. A couple hours ago in fact.

It was in Outback, the restaurant. Yes, I was completely in the wrong. And I shouldn’t have done what I did. I should have handled it privately not publicly, peacefully not violently.

That is why I’m writing this now. So when I look at my blog, I remember how I felt after all my anger was gone, and how I can prevent myself from not doing it in the future. I am completely wracked with guilt. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty, despite others telling me I shouldn’t feel that way.

I think of all the good things that the person done for me. Every single thing. I knew in my heart how much money was spent on me. How much time. How much patience. I know it all. Now, I am usually frustrated with this particular person,but I always think of those things and I keep myself from saying anything. Well, until today that is. Now, I’m filled with guilt. Not because of what I done, though that is part of it, but because my intentions when I went after this person wasn’t to make a point. It was to hurt. It was to really hurt. And that’s the part of myself that scares me. I hate thinking like that. I hate thinking I could be that cold-hearted. Heck, I’m the person who still tries to save June Bugs from the pool, and moths from a spiders web. I’m the one that picks spiders up out of the floor and puts it outside when people want me to smack it with a book. I am not someone who tries to hurt something else.

So I am going to write what not to do, so I can remember and maybe I can help someone else know not to be like me.

1.) Don’t just ignore the problem. I think this is my biggest problem. I ignore whatever is happening and I plaster a smile on my face even when someone is trying to hurt me emotionally. I don’t just talk it out like I should.

2.) Don’t try to rationalize your emotions. I catch myself doing this a lot. I analyze every single feeling I have until I feel like it’s gone. I do it with anger, sadness, irritation, jealousy, sometimes even my own happiness. I used to think if I thought it through enough until it wasn’t there, then I wouldn’t have to bottle things up. But that’s wrong. Every single emotion I rationalize, it usually comes back to bite me in the hind end. Eighteen years of rationalization is more than likely what made me act the way I did today.

3.) Don’t bottle it up. This is probably much along the same lines as the second one, but I do this also. I bottle everything I’m feeling up. I don’t cry. I don’t get angry. I don’t do anything besides smile. Nobody ever knows what I’m feeling until the bottle fills up so much until I just can’t hold it. Like I said this has only happened three times before, and none of my friends have ever seen it happen.

Those things are really the only things that I can think of that I do. So, don’t be like me. Don’t do those three things, because it won’t be good. After I post this, I will actually be looking up techniques to better handle anger, because I am disgusted with the person I was today. I am disgusted with the thoughts that I have been having since last year. But I am through having these thoughts, and I am seeking help. If someone wants to talk about their anger issues with me, then feel free. I am in no position to judge, and I would never do that. Just try to find help before you do something that can’t be fixed.


FotD: A couple lizards actually have horns around or near their eyes, and when they want to they can squirt blood up to four feet away!

So, today I picked up a lizard. It was small and didn’t have any teeth, so I really was surprised when it bit me. I still have a big red mark on my thumb. (I’m pretty sure that the lizard that bit me is the type in the picture. A five-lined Skink) Anyways, that got me thinking about lizards and stuff.

They’re actually pretty cool. Some lizards have different coping mechanisms to different threats. You know, just like humans. Some run, some fight…Some bite.

So, there are many ways that these small lizards can defend themselves. Such as, squirting blood out of horns, have venom(though very few are actually graced with venom), having teeth(even if they don’t have teeth, trust me it hurts.), sometimes they change color depending on their mood or environment. And of course they can regenerate slightly.

The lizard can actually go through what is called Caudal Anatomy, and what this means is that they can literally amputate their own tail. Their tail is made so that there isn’t much blood loss or trauma to the parts surrounding the tail. This means that when you grab a lizard and its tail falls off, you probably didn’t pull it off and hurt the poor thing. It more than likely done it on purpose to get away from you. Yep, they literally cut off their own tail from their body.

However, after they amputate their tail, they also regenerate. They regenerate by sending leukocytes and making sure there isn’t very much inflammation. By doing this, their tail will regenerate and be fully functional a little more than 60 days. It may seem like a long time, but think about it. How long does it take you to grow hair from being bald to down to you shoulders. Yep, it takes a while and our hair isn’t even a limb. We can’t grow those back.



No fact of the day, but I do have big news! For the longest time I have been wanting to play Outlast, because I’ve been watching the gameplay of it, which happens to be amazing! Well, I finally broke and bought it with my graduation money!

Of course, I’ve played it since the time I woke up at like 2 or 2:30. Let me just tell you! That game is freaking awesome! I’m not the type of girl that gets really involved in games! The most I play is like the Last of Us Remastered and Call of Duty Ghosts…I would play Overwatch, but sadly my brother won’t let me “mess it up”. Anyways! I’m really big into the whole horror, scare the crap out of people type of games.

Outlast is SCARY! I’m only onto the part where I’m in the security room and hiding in a locker so the big guy that could crush my guy won’t. Really, though, there isn’t all that action which I don’t like. If I’m playing a game I want to fight and die that way, not die while running. Particularly because I run into everything. You aren’t able to fight in the game, that I’ve seen thus far, and the only thing you’re really able to do is hide, run, and videotape weird people watching a static tv. Still, I thrive on scary things! The fact that the music is creepy and their are a couple times with huge jumpscares is awesome! My heart stops for a moment, and then I feel like I have to call somebody so I won’t be alone while playing this game!

All in all, I’m in love with the game. This is a short post, but I want to get back to playing it!

Three Words

FotD: Falling in love has neurological effects similar to cocaine.

So, I’m really traditional in a lot of ways. For instance love. I love everything. I do not love everyone. I don’t not believe in saying the words love to anyone who I just like or, for instance, a boyfriend of not even ONE HOUR!

Saying I love you, to me, is something that shouldn’t be said until you’re fully sure you’re ready to commit a relationship with that person. Saying I love you to family, children, or even close friends is fine to me. Trust me, I have friends that I absolutely love and adore, just as I have family that I love and adore. Their relationships in my life is cemented. I know it and they know it.

Buuuuut, first thing you need to know about me is that I’m not overly affectionate…or affectionate at all. I don’t do love, affection, or clingy. I may be optimistic but I know how love is. And affection. And the clingyness of a boyfriend. I do not like that. Sure, if we’ve been dating for a while I don’t care if we’re affectionate and snuggling and lovey. But I have to actually love him.

However, if we’ve only been dating for say one hour(even if I’ve know him for a while longer than that) I DO NOT want him to ask 20 different variations of where I am or “hello can I call you”. Sorry, but if you’re going to act like that to me if we’ve only been dating for a little while then I’m going to cut you off cold turkey. No more me for you. Another thing that just irks me is when I say goodbye and you tell me three times that you love me. HELL NO!

We were only dating for a little bit, despite me knowing him for a couple months, when he said the big three words. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. Love is important. Only say it when you mean it and when you’re ready to commit to something, that’s my opinion at least. Love is cement and it should not be treated like sand. So easily picked up and brushed off. If I love someone I might tell them once every year(like I said I’m not a very affectionate person). If I don’t, you can guarantee we’re breaking up and I’m probably going to be so disgusted with you that I’m not going to talk to you. I may be overreacting, but love is extremely important to me. It’s not something I can take lightly. It’s all or nothing for me.

So, to the boy who just ruined any chance he had with me in the future, I hope you’re happy. You pushed and pushed and pushed, and when I finally gave in you blew it. You knew me well enough to know I don’t roll like that, except you thought you were the exception. Guess what, you’re not. And we’re done. End of story…

My rant is done. And now I feel slightly less flustered.

Book Review Time!

THE Ghost Bird Series!

So, this will be the first book I review. Can I just say it’s an ongoing series with 10 almost 11 books! And the brilliant author of this book is thankfully planning many more books to come! I just cannot get enough of her writing!

C.L Stone is the author. She can write detail in a way that it doesn’t bore me. She can write dialogue between not just one or two main characters but ten main characters! That’s not even including all of the minor characters that pop up throughout the book! Her ability to keep personalities consistent and yet still she has something new to give the readers in the books is such an incredible feat and I applaud her!

Now, I’m going to talk about the series itself. It begins with Introductions. The main character, Sang Sorenson, is about to escape her hellish home for just one night. She’s sheltered and she doesn’t know anyone on the street that she recently moved on. She’s always been told that when she goes outside she’ll get kidnapped or raped.

You can imagine poor Sang’s terror when she hears something coming from behind her. A dog suddenly jumps on her, leading her to meet his owner. Kota. Smart, handsome, and oh so helpful. He decides to take her in and help her despite everything. It sets off a chain of events that no one would ever suspect. She meets all seven boys that seem oh so close. They’re brothers. But they have secrets and she knows it. She doesn’t want to scare away her newfound friends, but she also has trouble being with them because of her punishing mother. It’s no surprise that when she meets these guys, her life is bound to change for forever.

Sang- Timid, loyal, compassionate

Max- The intelligent dog that runs her over!

Kota- Smart, authoritative

Victor- Determined, musically inclined

Silas- Quiet, comforting

Nathan- Athletic, boy next door

Gabriel- Creative, Playful

Luke- Sneaky, Daydreamer

North- Dark, Protective

Dr. Green- Flirty, My ideal type

Mr. Blackbourne- Perfect, stern


FotD: The Mesopotamian Edimmu dating back to almost 6,000 years ago is the world’s first vampire!

So, do you believe in vampires or do you believe their fake? Personally, I believe they were all just made up by some crazy Mesopotamian that found a mushroom they weren’t supposed to eat. The Mesopotamian’s actually said that their “Edimmu” was the result of an improper burial(which is why they took care of their dead) or a very violent death. I guess now-a-days one of these Edimmu’s drinking your blood enough to kill you counts as a violent death. The Edimmu was not only the first creature that drank blood, but it was also the first Physic Vampire. While they aren’t burned by the sunlight, they do avoid it, and they seem to be located in dark places.

Since then, Edimmu has evolved to the glittering, love-sick, boorish vampires we see in Twilight. Let me tell you, if vampires did exist they would not be like this and here’s why.

Vampires are all known as living forever and drinking blood. The living forever part I can kind of see being true if some brilliant scientist happened to figure out how to keep our Telomeres(A strand in DNA that is related to aging) would never get shorter when cells divide. However, this would only mean that we do not look older nor will we be able to have cell death, cancer, or a chromosome malfunction. Still, we would die if someone cut an artery or something.

The other part about drinking blood is already true. There is a personality disorder called Renfield’s Syndrome, which is also called Clinical Vampirism. Surprisingly, most of the people with the symptoms are men. It’s said that this syndrome starts before or during puberty. That’s when they begin having sexual fantasies about ingesting blood.
When they finally do ingest blood they begin with their own, but then they lead up to drinking other’s blood.

So, I guess in certain cases you can call someone a vampire. A delusion, psycho vampire, but still a vampire.

But maybe one day these delusional vampires will be a scientist and will activate Telomerase(which makes the telomeres keep going), and then they will truly be a real vampire. Too bad, they probably won’t have the super strength or mind reading powers, because otherwise I’d totally sign up to be a vampire. I’d just, you know, starve to death.

Just a Thought

So, as you’ll find out, I’m going to start off every post with my Fact of the Day (FotD). Here it is!

FotD: Coyotes “sing” to communicate with other families and so they can keep track of their own family.

This will be about coyotes! Recently, I was inspired by a certain coyote that lingers outside of my room. He howls and growls when he’s close to my house, but when he’s over the river the pitch changes frequency. Thinking about it, it kind of sounds like a tiny baby with a really deep voice singing. Now, I realize that he’s other talking to other coyote families or he’s talking to his own.

Do you know much about coyotes?

Coyotes are also called the American Jackal because they can be found all over North America. They might even be in your backyard like they are in mine. They also walk on their toes! Weird, right? I presume it’s because they’re always trying to sneak up on the next unsuspecting prey rather than some other reason than the fact that they are just digitigrades(which just simply means that they are a species that walks on their toes).

Coyotes use the buddy system just like children are taught to use nowadays. They’re also smart. When attacking prey, one coyote will distract the poor, unsuspecting animal, while the other coyote will attack it from behind. Vicious? Or just crazy smart and trying to survive? I like to believe the latter as I don’t believe anything that is instinctual is vicious. Robots, yes. Coyotes, no.

Coyotes, in fact, do not go looking for trouble they’re just curious about our world. Wouldn’t you be if you spent most of your days in the woods with no internet? I’m pretty sure I’d feel so disconnected from the world that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself! Coyotes are terribly timid and will usually run away when approached. They’re scared of us and our society more than anything. Still, they are animals. Animals rely on their instincts. Do not try to approach a coyote and do not turn your back on it. Simply make loud noises, make yourself look larger than you are, and if you have it, throw water at them. For some reason, I’m finding throwing water at them scares them, but it seems more provoking than terrifying so personally I wouldn’t do that.

So, this is coyotes! Now you know a little about them if you didn’t, and if you did then you might know a little more than me so go ahead and comment if you have anything more to add about coyotes!

I’ll be updating whenever I get another thought, so it probably won’t take more than a week!